Funny Saying to Put on Facebook

StricktlyDating is an Australian writer who creates pages of original funny quotes and condition updates.

silly-funny-tweets-and-facebook-status-updates — Robert C

Here is a list of funny, cute, and witty status updates that are great for places similar Facebook and Twitter.

Funny Facebook Statuses

Lucky for you, mirrors can't laugh out loud.
Fourth dimension is precious. Waste material it wisely.
If something's not going right, endeavor left.
Near to dance my feet airheaded!
Grin while you however have teeth.
I honey my bed, but I'd rather be in yours.
Why bother reading books? We accept Eminem; he can read a whole story in 4 minutes.
I tried being awesome today, only I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.
Wife: I'm meaning, what practice y'all desire it to be? Husband: A joke.
Everyone is normal until you add them every bit your Facebook friend.
Relationship Status: COMING SOON
You can't be tardily until you show upwards.
Back in five minutes (If not, read this status again).

A big shout-out to ATM fees for making me purchase my own money!
How-do-you-do, I'm James. Let'due south bond.
T.K.I.A. (Thank goodness I'g awesome!)
Sometimes I prefer to use my confront equally emoticons.
I remember it'due south cool how the give-and-take "OK" is a sideways person!
Today is the beginning day of the rest of your life, and if that doesn't piece of work out for you, tomorrow is the start day of the residual of your life.
Keep calm and know Google tin can help you find a way to set up almost every problem. If not, information technology will tell you who tin can set it.
It hurts when yous get to unfriend someone, and y'all find they've browbeaten you to information technology!

Statuses That Volition Get Lots of Likes

May your life someday be as adept every bit you make information technology out to be on Facebook.
LIKE if you hate it when someone tags you in a photograph, y'all look horrible in because they happen to look so good in information technology.
Phew! Give thanks you lot, warning characterization. I was actually considering using my toaster in the shower this morning time.
Looking at school books and thinking: what a waste of a tree!
Nobody around here treats me like a glamour model, so I'yard merely going to sit here taking selfies by myself.
Why didn't you respond to my text? Well, how am I supposed to reply to LOL?
Line dancing was originally invented by women waiting in line for the bath.
Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon.
Zip is illegal. Until y'all go defenseless.
Friends are like boobs: some are real, some are fake.
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies show those who have more Birthdays live longer.

Clever Facebook Statuses

Nutrient is an important part of a balanced nutrition.
When I get a pimple on my tongue, I always feel guilty in case I've told a white lie.
I trip the light fantastic toe similar a car dealership's inflatable tube homo.
I tried beingness normal in one case. Nigh dull hour of my life.
You didn't find that that I used a word twice in this judgement.
A fact of life: Afterward Monday and Tuesday fifty-fifty the calendar says Westward T F.
The get-go 5 days after the weekend are ever hard.
I am 100% washed with today and most 37% done with tomorrow.
At first, I didn't like my bristles; then it grew on me.
Cleaved pencils are pointless.
"What's upward cake?" "Muffin much."
I don't have goals. Goals are for soccer. I'thousand non soccer.

I forgot to work out today. That'southward 5 years in a row!
If I went to hell, it would have me a week to realize I wasn't at work.
I hate information technology when I'm singing a vocal, and the artist gets the words wrong.
That moment when you lot endeavour talking to someone you're hot for, and you say GFBLQRINABAH instead of "I'm good, thanks!"
The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.
Yous look similar I demand a drink.
Trust me; you can dance. ~ Vodka
I'm non weird. I'm just cooler than yous.
Haircuts are the reason why I have trust issues.
That bad-mannered moment when yous moving ridge to a stranger on Facebook by accident.
I wasn't drunk; I was just testing if the plant was as soft as my bed.
Dip me in chocolate and telephone call me dessert.
That bad-mannered moment when you have a crush on the most inconvenient person possible.
I put the 'Me' in 'Someone,' and things get awkward.
Cease calling yourself hot; the only matter you turn on is the microwave!
That moment when someone you met for 3 seconds sends you a Facebook friend request.

Witty Status Updates

I just don't know how to react when someone sends me a selfie. I hateful, should I say, "Wow! Y'all actually got yourself at the perfect angle in that restroom!"
That moment when the random person you merely met asks for your total name, and you know it'south considering they want to stem you on Facebook.
The hardest things our kids will exercise in 20-30 years is finding a username which isn't already taken.
I'm a adept girl. With a lot of bad habits.
Aren't we ALL internet explorers?
I've been known to flash people (with my camera).
If Twitter wasn't around in the olden days, why is in that location a hashtag push button on landlines?
I printing all the "Try Me" buttons on toys and then walk away Similar A BOSS.
Me without you is like Facebook with no friends, YouTube with no videos, and Google with no results.
Girls are beautiful, non hot. They are not a temperature.
Dear friends, please don't tag me in a photo that is so prehistoric you have to scan the photo to make it digital. No i here is into studying history, sincerely, everybody born before 2010.
Don't think also much, or you could create a problem that wasn't even there.
Without Candy Crush, I'd be like a kid with no candy!
Telling me you're going to unfollow me is like announcing y'all're leaving a party you weren't even invited to.
I did not say I didn't want to piece of work. I said I didn't want to twerk!
Cheese. Milk'southward leap towards evolution.
My mum's so one-time-fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS proverb just to permit you know you're Pa is in the hospital LOL.
I'one thousand following yous on Twitter because my mum always told me to follow my dreams.
Everyone is normal until you notice them on Twitter.
Tired? In that location'southward a nap for that.

Ringlet to Continue

When someone says you are what you lot consume, and y'all're eating the chicken'due south bum.
If you have a problem with me write it on a piece of newspaper, put it in an envelope and shove it up your big backside.
If y'all're talking backside my back, yous're in a really good position to kiss my butt.
This canis familiaris, is canis familiaris, a domestic dog, good dog, way canis familiaris, to dog, keep domestic dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! Now read without the word canis familiaris
Were you lot dropped as a infant?" "Yeah into a pool of sexy!"
Well, I didn't know I logged into sookbook today.
A day without sunlight is night.
I can resist anything, except temptation.
Sitting in class wondering who would die if one of the fans roughshod down.
I'thousand pretty sure yous're non a car, get an bodily photo for your profile.

Every time I put my telephone on silent, it decides to play "hide and seek."
You put the "pro" in "procrastination."
I don't take exes; I have Y's. Y the hell did I practise that?
I take decided to tell my pets they're adopted.
If swimming is an exercise, and then explain whales to me.
If someone says "I dearest you," and you don't experience the aforementioned way, but say "I love YouTube" really fast.
Only ten-20% of the population can wiggle their ears and raise one eyebrow.
Nosotros should end teaching kids to sing the alphabet. It took me v years to realize that "elemeno" wasn't a letter.
Unicorns do be. They're simply fat and grey, and we call them Rhinos.
A bulletin in the toilet: Care for me well, go along me clean, I will not tell anyone what I have seen.
I grew up beingness told not to write on the walls. Felt similar such a badass when I first joined Facebook.
My wallet is similar an onion—when I open it, information technology makes me cry.
Life is like a box of chocolates: if you swallow the whole thing at once y'all're going to be sick.

Reader Poll

Add a Funny Tweet or Facebook Status:

s4a on September 09, 2020:

your eyes are like wrenches, every time I await into them, they tighten my nuts...

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Steven laat on July 24, 2020:

Very nice words

Naira white on Jan 02, 2020:

I at present pronounce you man and wife, y'all may now change ur facebook condition....

add me one facebook naira white

nthabeleng happiness on June twenty, 2019:

Mmmmmm

morina david on December 24, 2018:

so perfect

Sidiki on December 10, 2018:

Very nice

FieryChocolate on December 02, 2018:

I love'em all.

Funny Condition on November 09, 2018:

Nice

kalid usman on Oct 24, 2018:

it'southward and so nice

BIGt on September 16, 2018:

Love these status.

Martin M De Rex on September 07, 2018:

These mail r useful indeed

Ayodeji Happy on August 25, 2018:

Very Overnice

TIMMAY! on August 21, 2018:

I'm immortal. Then far.

Jagadish on Baronial 07, 2018:

Very Nyc

mike on July 18, 2018:

These are corny

Rajel on June twenty, 2018:

Manner

anjali Sharma on March 28, 2018:

Absurd collection

camel ragav on October 04, 2017:

hai frnds

diogenes on July 25, 2017:

Bang-up!! These come effectually every five years and read just like brand new!

Doft Sick

Kalvin on July 06, 2017:

Cool Drove of status lines.

komal on June 22, 2017:

nice this sharing on fb

sohel on April 07, 2015:

Wow your status is very nic & so good sides

StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on February 27, 2015:

Thank yous so much :)

schoolgirlforreal on February 24, 2015:

Nice! Love these! Sharing on FB :)

Kari on September 02, 2014:

Love the WTF i! Weird I've never heard that earlier. lol

StrictlyQuotes (writer) from Commonwealth of australia on September 02, 2014:

Thank y'all DDE and I am such a fan of yours :)

Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on September 02, 2014:

Great read here and I RT occasionally. Y'all think of awesome ideas.

StrictlyQuotes (writer) from Commonwealth of australia on September 02, 2014:

Cool, thanks :)

JUMAIN PRETOORS on August 14, 2014:

Well good,awesome and cool I like it!

facts25 on March 29, 2013:

Hahahahahahaha, I actually enjoyed while reading these funny facebook status

Elizabeth Mara from New Hampshire on March 14, 2013:

Thanks, Stricktlydating! I laughed at some of these and thought of several people who'd express mirth with me. Let the sharing go along~

StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on Jan 21, 2013:

Thanks for your great feedback!

Gulf Coast Sun from Gulf of Mexico on June 23, 2012:

hahahahahahahahahahahahah - thank you

bangabanga on June xix, 2012:

lolllllllllll

Bml on May 31, 2012:

These are hilarious. So going equally my statuses;)I was really dropped in a pool of sexy.

StrictlyQuotes (writer) from Commonwealth of australia on May 06, 2012:

Clever talents Miranda! Thank you for commenting :)

Miranda on May 05, 2012:

Loved these, very funny. I can wiggle my ears and heighten i countenance (i tin can also do the wave with my eyebrows~~)That was a secret, no one knew besides my sister and mom.

Well the cats out of the pocketbook now... Thank you for sharing=)

StrictlyQuotes (author) from Commonwealth of australia on April 08, 2012:

That'due south corking Deepak! Thanks for commenting! Best wishes :)

Deepak Choubey on Apr 08, 2012:

Gr8 i have got all the post for the solar day!!!! Thanks a lot!!!

StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on April 03, 2012:

Glad you liked it ronakbhatia!

ronakbhatia from Mumbai, India on March 26, 2012:

Haha, crawly! Gonna re-create a few :D

StrictlyQuotes (author) from Commonwealth of australia on March 24, 2012:

That'due south wild Nicki!

nicki on March 15, 2012:

haha laughed my butt ox off! lol :D

alisha4u from New Delhi, Republic of india on Feb 24, 2012:

Looks similar you lot are too much into social networkin... Witty thoughts though..

StrictlyQuotes (author) from Commonwealth of australia on Feb 23, 2012:

Thankyou acaetnna :) Always lovely to have your feedback!

acaetnna from Guildford on February 22, 2012:

Ha, ha, awesome as always. Brilliant piece of work. Voting upwardly and hitting your buttons.

StrictlyQuotes (author) from Commonwealth of australia on February 22, 2012:

Ahhh! That's awesome princesswithapen! Cheers!

princesswithapen on February 21, 2012:

"Only 10-xx% of the population can wiggle their ears and heighten ane eyebrow." Haha! I bet almost readers would actually try this i while reading it.

This hub fabricated for an amusing read - just what the doctor ordered with a nice hot cuppa.

Princesswithapen

StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on February 20, 2012:

Wow! Thanks for all your nifty comments! Glad you enjoyed these status updates! Smiles from Commonwealth of australia :)

Samir Illathodi from Kerala, India. on Feb 20, 2012:

I similar the final three! Lool! Gonna put information technology as my status! Good Hub! :)

diogenes from UK and United mexican states on Feb 20, 2012:

Had a skilful chuckle at some of these m'dearest.

Take care

duge hick

Infobrowser from UK on February 20, 2012:

This is a very funny and clever pick. Think I'll exist putting some up on facebook Like A Dominate! Thank you =)

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Source: https://turbofuture.com/internet/Silly-Funny-Tweets-And-Facebook-Status-Updates

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